I remember how my mother was grateful when she was allowed to wear pants, stating safety as a reason to ride a motorbike to her workplace. I was angry when my relatives criticised my dad that I was allowed to converse in English at home. Now I feel confused when my mum reprimands me for letting my husband take on some household chores.

Empowerment, in simple terms, means ‘to give power’. Women empowerment simply means giving power to women. This word often evokes mixed emotions in me.

1. Superpower Empowerment

We have our superpowers. What are these? These are thinking, feeling, belief, value and purpose that we serve, mostly unconscious, that empower us to thrive through adversities and excel. These are superpowers that we marvel in other women. When we have visibility, others appreciate and validate our superpowers. We may have learnt or inherited them, and we don’t usually question these superpowers as long as they work for us. When adversity strikes or when we are in search of meaning, we pause and doubt ourselves. In these adverse moments, we can anchor back and ask:

Do we know what our superpowers are?

Are they in good use, i.e. are they empowered?

Are you in control of your powers, and do you know how to manage them?

2. Superhero NOT Superwoman

If you are reading this article, you might be a superwoman as you are still looking to pick up some nuggets to do more in life. The superheroes in the movies use their superpowers for a purpose, and you wouldn’t see them trying to be good at many things. But we can end up in the superwoman trap. The trap that falsely tells you, you can do everything and anything. This trap has a fabulous prize of adulation. So is the price we pay.

Women are amazing, and we can do anything we set our hearts and minds to. We walk into sessions to find out how other women did it all. These are the superwomen who are real, and they often stand taller than men. Just before we role model them, consider the price they would have paid to be there.

On the corporate side, empowerment in the 30 per cent club will remind us how we need to get good enough to compete in qualifying for the job. I remember when one well-meaning male speaker tried telling a crowd of cheering women that we need to apply for jobs even if we don’t fully meet the stated requirements of the said job. He mentioned how men would apply for the position even when they partly meet the requirements. We finally land on these dream jobs, only to receive feedback on the areas we need to compete and so get trained to think like the successful corporate men and beat them at their own game. Meanwhile, we deal with feedback that women are too emotional or low-risk takers. Here’s how the superwoman trap shows up by trying to be more and everything that the world tells us to be.

We have more women having mental health and auto immune illnesses. These health issues are associated with suppressed and repressed emotions. Domestic violence had gone up during MCO. Men get their pains out of their system while women cope in silence. We find ways to fulfil our obligations and keep it together for the world.

The fact that we continue to strive through this is evidence that we are MORE THAN ENOUGH. But we have to accept that of ourselves. Set ourselves free and ask the next question, the crucial one.

Who am I?

Who am I is crucial to our being and how we contribute to this world. It is about our identity. Our identity connects to how our actions give meaning to our lives. This meaning, i.e. fulfilment, leads to our happiness and wellbeing while contributing to a higher purpose. Our satisfaction can show up while having conversations with our children, listening to a stranger on the train or while addressing a conference. When we bring our identity and use our superpowers, we show up as the superhero in spaces that matter to us.

The elephant in the room

Has it ever bothered you that there are no public talks about empowerment for men? How can we empower them? Let’s raise our expectations of them in this renewed parallel world that we want for ourselves.

Look at the men who are directly associated with us; do we set the bar in the same measure that we set for ourselves? Give away responsibilities and watch them develop the newfound superpowers. Let’s reach into the nurturer within and sincerely communicate, coach and celebrate the courage they show up in the spaces we ruled before. Even though it will be tempting to be the saviour, show that you can let go and not micromanage. It’s neither a competition nor a comparison.

Now let’s identify the muscle that we need to develop to be relevant in our roles in the current reality. Now the superhero is ready to fly higher. Let the world cheer.

When our sons and daughters watch us living equally, our daughters won’t need empowerment, and our sons will stand tall beside all, women and men alike. They will act in esteem and respect of each other’s contribution, live fulfilling lives, and raise functional families because, finally, we have nurtured an unbiased world, at least our immediate surrounding. Let’s exit from the prisons of our minds first and be respected for our being, the woman.

-- BERNAMA

Malar Villi is the founder and Managing Director of Hearts and Minds Development Centre. Her life mission is to be a Life Skill Builder to unleash the best versions of individuals.