By a former EXCO member of Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO)

When I first read the news on Krishna, a 31-year-old woman who was stabbed to death by her alleged 23-year-old boyfriend at her home in Ipoh, it struck a chord deep within me. It was a familiar fear.

More than 20 years ago, fresh from graduation, I was in a relationship with a man I had met in the most innocent place on earth – a library! As a young woman, ready to explore the world, having someone love you unconditionally seemed like one of the greatest joys in life. The freedom to make your own choices – of who you decide to date and, eventually, be in a relationship with – felt empowering for 23-year-old me.

I had just secured my first job, one that I was proud of as I had beat out many candidates, I was told. Back in 1999, getting a salary of RM2,300 was quite a benchmark – as was graduating with a First Class Honours from a prestigious local university.

I was also travelling the world in my line of work – from the Philippines to India and even to the United States of America – oftentimes on Business Class. I was hopeful and full of potential. Everything seemed just perfect.

And then things took a turn. Almost every day before lunch hour, my boyfriend would call me up and insist that we lunch together. When I requested to lunch with my colleagues, it was often disregarded – I thought, perhaps he really loves me and wants to spend time with me.

When I was travelling in the Philippines for work, he would call to ensure that I didn’t leave the hotel for dinner (even if it was with a colleague). Instead, he would instead insist that I order room service. He’d inform me of the ‘people’ he knew in the Philippines who’d be ‘watching over me’.

The voice in my head thought (with a little fear this time) – perhaps he really cares for my safety as it can be dangerous to be alone in a foreign country. I wanted to believe that these were acts of love.

The nightmare begins

Less than a year into my dream job, I was pressured to resign. I was told his family business needed me, and was whisked off to a different state, far away from my home.

That was when the nightmare began. The abuse became physical and violent, but I had nowhere to turn to. I had no friends to confide in and he would often ‘guard over’ the calls I made to my parents. I was left with no money too, thus depended on him greatly. He did not ‘allow’ me to go home to see my parents and, when I did, I had to wear long-sleeved tops to hide my bruises.

During one of our altercations, in defence, I had swung my arm so hard that it dislocated. He and his sister took me to the emergency unit to get the ball of my arm bone back to my shoulder socket. I was on a sling for weeks and had asked to return home to see my parents which he ‘permitted’ me to. I met my parents briefly but was quickly taken to his rented home and stayed there. My family was told that I was returning to his hometown.

At my lowest point, unable to bear the abuse and in a desperate need to escape, I attempted suicide. My recollection of what happened after is hazy but I clearly remember a nurse making me feel guilty by telling me how silly I was and that I could be jailed.

Finally, one day, as he went out to buy lunch, I realised it was my best chance to escape. It felt like now or never. I called my brother and informed him where I was. The moment my family came to rescue me was my first taste of freedom in nine months.

Death threat

Days after that continued to be challenging. Police reports were made against illegal possession of my car which he’d taken away and also for 'access' to his house to collect my personal belongings accompanied by the police. Yet, he would still continue to stalk and harass me. I was always fearful of his presence and intimidation tactics.

“I will kill you and your entire family”… a threat made at my gate months after I escaped, still rings in my ears. He told me about his underworld links and constantly shared stories of his ‘brothers’ who were shot by rival gangs. I was traumatised and vividly remember one episode in which I was afraid of being tailed by him that I walked with a knife in my hand.

The thought of being stalked and him lurking around wherever I went was terrifying. But, in

Malaysia, stalking is not a crime. There was nothing I could do about it, so I lived in fear for a long time, not knowing how to protect myself.

Malaysia’s Domestic Violence Act 1994 provides for restraining orders against abusers who are a current or former spouse but it does not extend to unmarried couples and, most certainly, does not protect us from stalking and harassment.

Anti-Stalking Act

Stalking is an extremely harmful and obsessive behaviour that disrupted my life and made me feel very unsafe even in public spaces.

No woman should be forced to carry a knife to protect herself as I did. The need for an

Anti-Stalking Act is now. And, awareness on stalking is more crucial than ever.

Despite the lack of legal protection, I count my blessings that I am still alive. I could have very easily shared the same, painful, fate as Krishna.

For those who are lonely, distressed or having suicidal thoughts, please contact Befrienders on their hotline at 03-76272929 (Kuala Lumpur), 04-2815161 (Penang) or 07-3312300 (Johor Bahru) or via Facebook Messenger or email at befrienderskk@gmail.com or at https://www.help.befrienders.org.

-- BERNAMA

Since 1982, the Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) has provided free shelter, counselling, and crisis support to women and children who experience abuse. WAO helps women and their children rebuild their lives, after surviving domestic violence, rape, trafficking, and other atrocities. Learning from women’s experiences, we advocate to improve public policies and shift public mindsets. Together, we change lives. Call the WAO Hotline at 03 30008858 or SMS/WhatsApp TINA at 018 988 8058 if you or someone you know is experiencing abuse. For more information, visit wao.org.my.