The more I focus on listening, the more I realise that it is more than just a tool for learning – it is a skill for survival.

The ability to truly listen allows me to read people better, not just through their words, but through their tone, pauses, and even what they choose not to say.

And in doing so, I’ve come to accept a simple truth: not everyone I meet shares my vision. Not everyone will understand me. And some, intentionally or not, may even become obstacles in my path.

But here’s the thing – I cannot control how others treat me. What I can control is where I position myself, who I choose to surround myself with, and where I invest my time and energy. And this is why listening, beyond being a skill of comprehension, is a skill of discernment.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) gave us a profound reminder about the company we keep: "A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend." (Sunan Abu Dawood 4833)

This hadith highlights a crucial reality – who we surround ourselves with will shape our thoughts, our attitudes and, ultimately, our choices.

But how do we know who is good for us? How do we recognise who brings value to our lives and who quietly drains it away?

Listening

By listening carefully to how people speak, what they prioritise, and how they react to challenges, we can understand them beyond surface-level interactions. Someone may smile in front of you, but their words about others reveal their true nature. Another may not speak often, but when they do, their words hold wisdom. By sharpening our ability to listen, we sharpen our ability to choose.

In conversations, most of us focus on what we want to say next, rather than absorbing what is being said. But when we train ourselves to be present, to listen not just to words but to the emotions behind them, we begin to see people for who they truly are.

Have you ever felt uneasy about someone but brushed it off as overthinking? Have you ever ignored a comment that seemed small but later proved to reveal something much bigger about a person?

Often, our instincts pick up on things that our minds choose to overlook. A passing remark, a dismissive tone, a tendency to twist narratives – these are all signals. Listening carefully to these details allows us to assess situations more clearly.

And when we learn to listen with discernment, we stop forcing connections that aren’t meant for us. We stop explaining ourselves to those who have no interest in understanding. We stop expecting loyalty from those who have already shown us who they are.

Remember, not everyone you meet is meant to walk the journey with you. And that’s okay.

The key is to place yourself where you can grow, in an environment that nourishes your mind, heart and soul. When we surround ourselves with those who uplift, challenge and inspire us, we naturally rise to a higher standard. And this begins by listening – listening to others, listening to our instincts, and listening to the subtle signs that Allah places in our path.

Listening to recognise differences

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said: "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the blacksmith's bellows. The seller of musk will either offer you some, or you will buy some from him, or at least you will smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith's bellows, it will either burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from it." (Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)

A good companion adds value to your life, whether through knowledge, character or support. A bad companion, on the other hand, leaves you with burdens – whether emotional, mental or spiritual. The wisdom of this hadith reinforces the idea that where we place ourselves matters just as much as who we are. And listening – deeply and consciously – is what helps us recognise these differences.

In the end, we are not meant to control how others behave. But we are responsible for how we respond.

We have the power to choose our circle, to position ourselves in environments that nurture our growth, and to remove ourselves from spaces that hinder us.

And the first step to making these choices wisely?

Listen. Observe. And choose with intention.

-- BERNAMA

Wan Afiqah Anis Wan Ahmad (afiqahanis@um.edu.my) is an English language lecturer at the Academy of Islamic Studies Universiti Malaya, UM Education Centre, Bachok, Kelantan.