By Assoc Prof Dr Tengku Elena Tengku Mahamad

Most of us have experienced this. You send a message to a friend. Not a dramatic one. Just something honest.

Maybe you are sharing a worry, a thought at the end of a long day, or a small update you felt like telling someone who knows you well. You see the message has been read.

And then nothing follows.

That quiet can feel heavier than words.

We often assume communication is about what we say. But in friendships, much of what we understand comes from tone, timing, gestures, and silence.

These are all forms of nonverbal communication. In a time when much of our connection happens through screens, nonverbal communication has not disappeared. It has simply taken new shapes.

Emotional labour in friendships

As a lecturer who teaches topics related to emotional labour and the importance of communication, I often explain to students that emotional work does not only happen in formal or professional settings.

We also perform emotional labour in friendships. We choose when to respond, how much energy to give, and how to show care even when we are tired or overwhelmed.

These decisions may seem small, but they shape how safe a friendship feels.

It is important to say this clearly. Replying late is not a sign of being a bad friend.

People are busy. People are juggling work, family, and emotional exhaustion.

Sometimes we read a message and genuinely plan to respond later when we have more mental space. Delay, on its own, is part of modern life and usually carries no ill intent.

What often affects friendships more deeply is something else. It is the experience of being seen but not acknowledged at all.

In close relationships, being left on read can quietly communicate distance, even when that was not what was meant. The absence of response becomes a message of its own.

This is where nonverbal communication and emotional labour intersect. Maintaining connection does not require long explanations or immediate replies.

Sometimes it only takes a small signal. A short message saying I will get back to you later. A heart reaction. A simple emoji.

These gestures may seem insignificant, but emotionally, they tell the other person that they matter and that the connection is still there.

Expressing presence without words

In the age of emojis, stickers, and reactions, we now have more ways to express presence without words. Used thoughtfully, these tools can soften conversations and maintain closeness on days when we do not have the energy to talk.

A sticker can signal warmth. An emoji can convey care. They act as emotional shorthand when words feel heavy.

At the same time, these symbols are not neutral. A single emoji can feel comforting or dismissive depending on context. A thumbs-up might mean agreement, or it might feel distant.

This is why emotional awareness matters. Emotional labour in friendships involves being mindful not just of what we send, but how it might be received.

Friendships are also shaped by how we respond to vulnerability. When a friend repeats the same worry, goes quiet, or struggles to explain what they are feeling, our nonverbal responses become especially important.

Do we interrupt? Do we rush to reassure? Or do we stay present, even when the conversation is uncomfortable?

Listening without fixing is emotional labour. Allowing silence without withdrawing is emotional labour.

Not disappearing when emotions become messy is emotional labour.

This is also where the idea that it takes two to tango becomes relevant.

Emotional safety in friendships is not created by one person constantly checking in, adjusting, or carrying the emotional weight. It is co-created.

Both people play a role in noticing changes, acknowledging effort, and meeting each other halfway.

Strong friendships are rarely built on constant communication. They are built on consistent care.

On noticing when something feels off. On responding with kindness rather than defensiveness. On understanding that silence, tone, timing, and even emojis all communicate something.

Being intentional matters

In a fast-paced world where emotions are often compressed into short messages and digital symbols, being intentional matters.

Sometimes the most meaningful thing we can offer a friend is not advice or solutions, but a simple signal that says I am here.

Because in the end, communication is not only about expression. It is about reception.

And friendships, like any good dance, work best when both people are paying attention to the rhythm.

It really does take two to tango.

-- BERNAMA

Assoc Prof Dr Tengku Elena Tengku Mahamad is Deputy Dean (Research & Industrial Linkages) / Senior Lecturer (Communication Management & Policy), Faculty of Communication and Media Studies, Universiti Teknologi MARA, Shah Alam.